Novel In Progress...

Q - Part 8

Cleo sat at the back of the lecture hall, twirling a pen between her long fingers. She didn’t know why she continued going to them anymore, as she couldn’t understand anything the lecturer said. She had an inbox full of unanswered emails asking her to explain absences in her tutorials, but she couldn’t face being asked a question in front of everyone that she simply couldn’t answer. For a while, she had considered talking to her parents about quitting university and starting afresh the following year, doing something completely different; but she had worked so hard to get a place, the thought of having to do it all over again was worse than remaining anonymous in the lecture theatre each day.

She kept her eyes fixed on the clock above the presentation screen, timing her breathing with each movement of the second hand. It made her slightly lightheaded, but gave her something to focus on that didn’t remind her how undeserving she was of filling a seat. She thought back to a couple of months ago, in the last seminar she had attended, when Tanya Letching had caught up with her after class. She had asked if she wanted to join a study group that a few of them had put together. The thought of sitting in silence while her classmates went through their work had made her feel dizzy, and she’d run away without answering. Tanya had told the rest of the group, and together with her absences, they now thought something awful had happened to her. They looked at her with such pity, that Cleo had taken to sitting right at the back so they didn’t know she was there.

Just ten more minutes and she could leave and go to the coffee shop. The bitter dark liquid waiting for her would burn the back of her throat, giving her a reminder of what she had to look forward to the next day with every swallow once she had left.

The screen went black, and people started rustling their belongings, clearly in a hurry to get out of the room. The last few words the lecturer uttered became lost in the cacophony of noise that signalled students’ social lives restarting. Cleo put her notebook and pen away, sighing at their inactivity yet again. The crowd enveloped her, and much as she flinched with every person that touched her, she was glad to avoid being spotted as ‘the absentee’ in the dregs of people left.

A short walk later and she reached the narrow alley that ran towards the purple door she was so familiar with. She straightened her skirt, and combed her thin hair with her fingers, then suddenly felt embarrassed at the burst of effort. She swore to herself that she would ask him his name today. The bell knocked against the stone wall when she entered, and she was engulfed in the familiar smell of roasting coffee beans and felt the warmth from hundreds of pillows of steam that had accumulated over the day. It was the one place that made her feel relaxed.

With a deep breath, she walked to the counter. But there was no cup of coffee waiting for her. Confused, she looked around, only to be greeted by Nancy, the elderly lady who managed the shop.

“Hello lovie, you’re Q’s fancy piece aren’t you? Did he not say he’d got the day off today? Gone out with a friend of his from university apparently. Can’t tear a man from his friends can you?”

“Erm, I’m sorry, I don’t know who Q is, I’d just like a black coffee please, with no sugar.”

“Oh, don’t play games missy, I’ve seen you from the storeroom, he always has your coffee waiting, I could have guessed that would be what you’d order. I thought it would be you he was out with, when he said a friend I thought that was code for a date, I know you youngsters! My mistake. I’ll let him know you called in, shall I?”

“No, no, thankyou. I’ll erm, I’ll tell him myself.” She lied. She fiddled with the zip on her jacket, as Nancy shrugged and went to use the coffee machine. Cleo felt humiliated that she had been so presumptuous and geared herself up for nothing. Of course he had days off, what normal person wouldn’t? Lots of people spend their days off with their friends as well, it was to be expected. She pushed aside the empty feeling in the bottom of her stomach. She hadn’t been excited enough about anything for a while to feel disappointment.